| inside. |
[Oct. 9th, 2006|04:51 am] |
1:43 a.m.
Happy Birthday Amber L. Coleman. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2006|05:46 pm] |
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"when you spot your flower, you can't let anything get in your way." |
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| TIME TO GLOTE |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|09:02 pm] |
FIRST OFF...
SECONDLY...
THIS MAKES UP FOR SOME SERIOUS BULLSHIT IN MY LIFE. |
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| my night |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|10:53 pm] |
What a night I had, no joke.
It started off as it usually does, but just a little late. I gathered my stuff and set out to go run the usual three to five mile daily routine I have. I was told of a new park that would possibly interest me, so I ventured to find it. To my crashing hopes, it was just a dark gathering for middle aged and too much aged men wearing headbands and goggles playing some personal two's. I passed by the parking lot and hopped onto 95 going on route to a local high school where I could run the track, and just take it easy. I was on the phone with Danny at this point, when to my calloused surprise, the car started to putter and stiffen - I had ran out of gas. I just felt defeated, but continued my conversation with Danny until he had another call. I felt hesitant about calling my mother because I knew she was at a dinner with a friend from out of town, but I just had to, I'm a poor wittle boy in trouble. I told her the deal, and just said not to rush, that I will just go to a small establishment and have a coke or something. While getting out of my car, I was greeted by a man who apparently lives in his auto-body shop, who was so nice. Being me, I glanced at his shoes and he just so happened to be wearing the nike construction boots that I once hated with a passion while setting up the display for. That was our connection, I just know it, something inside was just forcing our kind nature to one another. He explained to me about cops giving tickets, and expressed his sympathy for my dilemma, and even took it upon himself to call some of his cop-buddies and tell them to leave my car alone regarding tickets for being parked where it was. I told him my appreciation and sent him a farewell. It was about 7:30 at the point, and I trekked sluggishly to this place knowing I'd be here for awhile. I walked in, and I could tell that I appeared as I had felt - timid and awkward. I continued to the bar, taking an open seat between an older couple, and adjacent to a overly intoxicated woman. I sat in the same position for quite some time, reading nine chapters in my book that I had brought along with me. A few times I got sidetracked from my book to hear the portly man talk about the fall of Rome (and just wonder why he's talking about this, here!) and then there was the disruption of the other lady, rudely pounding on the counter for more service. I'm sure I looked like the strangest thing to come in there, and I'm almost positive at least two employees found me either cute, or retarded; both asking " are you okay?" and "how you feeling sweetheart?" I'm sure they just thought I was some weirdo homeless kid looking for his purpose in life reading books in bars and drinking coca-cola classics as fast as possible. The clock on the wall, underneath a Parrot head sign was nearing 9:00, and I didn't know when the establishment was closing, but I could tell that by all the employees cleaning and counting the register that it was their sign of telling me to see the high-road. I couldn't find the mistress who served me my beverage and just didn't even want to deal with it, so I just placed a five dollar bill on the counter and walked myself goodbye. I stood outside for a few minutes, and almost convinced myself I actually was homeless, and the reality that I was wearing running gear really set in, and the cold was starting to take over. I took a side road back to my car and walking next to some dark, very sullen wooded areas when I swear there was at least aliens, murderers, and ghosts in there. I got back to my car and rushed inside of the thing. At this point my mom still hadn't called me back, and I was getting worried/antsy, not to mention there was something lingering about. I sat solid for about five minutes when all of a sudden I really started to realize it, the cold was killing me, fast. I was frigid, and thinking as if I were going to have to do ANYTHING to save myself, so what did I do? This may seem a little unpleasant, unsanitary, and just... gross, but it had to be done. I quickly grabbed a water bottle, and took aim at the thing, filling it so close to the brim, making sure it was fully being used to it's ability. I then securely placed it into my two hands, and grasped on for warmth, let me tell you... urine stays pretty warm for a bit. It lasted for about 25 minutes before I got a little creeped out, and uncomfortable and had to get out of my car, walk 100 feet away and discard of all evidence. The walk back put me back where I had started, freezing cold, and just not too happy. This is where this experience turns spiritual, and gave me a sense of meaning (that I will NOT be explaining) but for the next 45 minutes I sat in a freezing, dark console starring ahead and doing what I once thought I did worst - thinking. For the first time in my life, I didn't retreat to some kind of escape (i.e. -IPOD!) but instead, took it upon myself to purge everything I could think of, and filter through what's been going on. I'm glad to say that I truly feel like I'm improving, and learning so much everyday, nothing feels better. Finally the beautiful sight of my mothers headlights shone into my eye, and I couldn't help but smile through it all. I honestly think somehow my body had done this, wanting a break from running everyday and the pain of shin splints that I brought on myself, for a lesson of course.
Now I sit here, listening to music, eating cereal, waiting to retire to watch Harry Potter or City of God (what a pair).
There's so many days that I want to express so much, to so many and I don't, and I never will. It's that way for a reason though, and I'd like to keep it that way. I've got myself to worry about, and that's it. I'm waiting patiently, and I know good will come from this. I've realized I must move forward, and if I'm scared of doing something... it's probably worth doing. I'm done holding back.
Good night. |
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| bonnaroo |
[Feb. 2nd, 2006|04:23 pm] |
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June 16-18. |
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| enjoy your life |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|11:19 pm] |
2 0 0 5
started out with a complete unknown beauty, ends with a calloused nothing.
for everyone...
I now am officially going by the name ALI, and Ali ( my sister ) may or may not go by Stevie, or we may both go by the name ali.
two fingers up to change in hearts and one well kept secret
happy new year |
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| when you're sixteen, you don't know what forever means |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|03:04 pm] |
"I’ll do anything I’ll assassinate all of the stars of all of your bad dreams I’ll be all yours just as long as you stay here with me ‘cause I don’t want to be alone when these walls start closing in"
where is she? |
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| soulmates never die |
[Oct. 13th, 2005|12:38 am] |
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just when you thought everything was finally worked out in your head, the person you love more than anyone reads you the most breath-taking composition ever heard. |
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| booze and shoes |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|11:16 pm] |
DANNY SKELLEY, YIDDIE DIDDIE, YA DA DEE. |
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| I'll follow you into the dark |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|11:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | forget it | ] |
| [ | music |
| | death cab - soul meets body | ] |
My sister did it, so I followed.
goodnight.
"twilight fades through blistered Avalon the sky's cruel torch on aching autobahn into the uncertain divine we scream into the last divine... you make me real"
( time consuming ) |
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| night and day i dream of making love to you now baby |
[Oct. 7th, 2005|10:51 am] |
| [ | music |
| | can you hear them? the helicopters... | ] |
i want to apologize to everyone who had to read every entry i made last night. and if i called you, thanks for picking up ( jaime and danny ) and putting up with me.
i about lost it.
i'm in a good mood, i'm calm, i'm mellow, i'm secure, and i'm flowing.
i just took my speech midterm thing ( or something like it) and i am really confident about it. now i get to go to comp. and do a thing i love dear, write... a lot.
work today, tomorrow, and then my best friend.
i've been listening to radiohead since the second i walked out of the classroom, and it is doing amazing things for me.
once again, i'm sorry. |
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| i know i'm kind of dead |
[Oct. 7th, 2005|12:47 am] |
uhhh soo my mind... it's gone.
i'm loosing it.
being as real as possible...
i'm having some really bad anxiety attacks.
what
the
hell |
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ugliestboy's journal
you've killed me
